Hi everyone. I am back. I apologize for the delay in my blogs, but I have been having some technical issues that I have finally resolved. Today I am writing about episodes two and three of the Red Band Society.
In episode two the teens on the show are trying with all of their might not to show what they are feeling. Emma is afraid that she will not gain weight at her weigh-in, so she wears extra clothes and puts packets of coins in her sweater. Leo is hurt and feels betrayed when he hears that Jordie will keep his leg. And Jordie is embarrassed to tell his friends about his flawed and broken family. All the while, their feelings are piling up and finding a home in their hearts. That feels like pain. Soon they are realizing that they all want to understand what the others are feeling. We see that what they all are seeking is love and acceptance. It is true, “You don’t have to walk in another’s shoes to know how they feel. Sometimes you just have to sit beside them.” Thank you for those profound words, Charlie
Most of the time that is what Alex wanted from me, to sit with him. I remember a time when I would not be there when the nurses got him up in the morning. All that he knew was that he needed me there. I could tell him my laundry list of excuses: ‘I work nights and had to get the others off to school’ or that ‘I stopped to buy him some toys to keep him busy,’ etc. All of my words were wasted. He was a little boy who had woken up in a hospital once again, alone and frightened with tubes and monitors attached to him. The learning curve can be steep for us parents raising a sick child. He just wanted me to be there. This was a lesson learned.
One of the first things that I learned before my medical rotations was that people lie. Patients lie. It sounds cynical, I know. But it is the truth. In this episode the young patients learn that there are consequences for those lies. Jordie lied about his mother being dead. Now, he was forced to own up to the truth when his mother showed up to be his doting Mom. The others wondered if there were other lies that he had told them. Perhaps he never truly lived with his abuela in Mexico. Dash pretends that he is Jordie’s friend trying to find out if Leo is still his friend. And Emma lies to herself about her relationship with food. She says that she likes to be around food because it is comforting for her. Charlie says, “Even if you are telling a lie for the right reasons, the only one getting hurt seems to be you,”
We all know that our kids lie, but when it is our most vulnerable one, it becomes a bit more difficult. They may say, “Yes, Mom. I took all of my medicine.”, “I feel better.” Or” I just cleaned my breathing machine.” Well, you get the idea. Alex would tell me that he was fine because he wanted to go to a party. My eyes would be looking at a tired boy trying to breathe without a wheeze. I understood that he wanted to be seen as ‘normal’ to his friends. In his mind, if they were to know that he was sick, he would be seen as weak or powerless. What a fine line we walk as moms. In the end, we have to make a decision for what is best for our child. We cannot say ‘no’ for our convenience. No. It should come out of a well thought out process. I was told once by a wise man that we, as parents, should say, ‘yes’ as much as we can so that when we do have to say, ‘no,’ it will mean much more. More times than not, I would say, ‘yes.’ My worry would be relieved when he came through the front door.